Poor Imp

'Lo Fabien, Firstly, you've a play-wright's sense of dialogue. I could have read this piece merely for the exchange, both voices distinct without being grating or pretentious, atmosphere set as ...

Hey Brad. My first impression: For all the minute detail, the narration felt essentially blind. Naturally, first person narrative can tend that way, to say the least. But there must ...

Hullo WD. ^_^ Of course, I've been meaning to say something by way of a critique for longer than I thought it would take me to actually say it. Anyhow, ...

Hey Jig. This then, simply in comparison? I'm rather more inclined to like 'Monster' unchanged - though some of the description around the dialogue/exchange has been more deftly approached, cleaned ...

'Lo Jig. ^_^ I have to say, firstly, apologies for the length of time it's taken me to respond to this. But I really have to say, more to the ...

Lygarde de Mayne was a fun read, but I think you topped it here, CL. ^_^ The piece felt more neatly connected; and Lucie was a great addition. Michael will ...

Oy, so much more smooth than #2, and you've gone back to the deceptive poetic prose of the prologue. Though, unlike the prologue, you've no ideas clashing with action; and ...

'Lo Clau, Aside from the poem on the whole, your asterisked line ought to read either, 1) 'I neither sink, nor swim' or alternately, 2) ' I don't sink, don't ...

I deleted the double-post for you. ^_^ As to the story... You have a nice conversational tone, and so you keep a lighter note to a dark story. That's involving ...

Comma after 'ache'. The final three lines (starting with 'life was never good for her') does not flow as well as the begining. Also, what's with the big font? Ruby: ...

Oh dear God, my spleen died... Something like that, yes. #_# But no, Clau - as far as form, you can use square brackets (these = [ ]). ^_^ There's ...

Hullo WD. I did say I'd get to commenting on this, if at all possible. It's thick, on more level than one with no implication of dense in the idiotic ...

Well, I did start on the prologue; and as I've read this, I ought to be good enough to make some remark. ^_^ It was painfully over-the-top, nearly pornographic in ...

How can one beat CL's lovely handwriting and scanned in remarks? ^_~ Ah well, I'm printing this; and then next as the weekend and fencing has apparently put me behind ...

This, Mlle. Clau, is a placeholder then? I've a first read through and impression, but no too much time. Brief notes: -Alexei sounds less American than Lev, but not distinct ...